Bill Hunky's terminal kleptomania manifested at a very early age when, as an exuberant and naughty five year old he snatched a few pieces of bubblegum from the candy rack at the grocery store where his parents had been shopping. Not surprisingly he was found out by his mother when he took a few pieces from his hidden pocket and she spotted him putting something in his mouth. A time-hardened glob of Super Bubble gave little Bill away and his mother was furious. She gave him a quarter and made him go inside, pay the cashier for what he'd stolen and apologize for the felonious theft.
His mother had hoped that by doing this he would forever remember the humiliation of the task he'd been given, perhaps it would prevent him in the future from doing it again if he recalled the shame and embarrassment, the disappointed look in the store manager's eye, the whole sad affair...and it may have...for awhile.
But not too many years afterwards...in his pubescent years, he went on a shoplifting spree that would have made seasoned pros jealous. The jig went a little something like this...
Bill and his two early childhood pals, Kevin and David, were transported across the small town every day in a school bus because the cafeteria/lunch room were in different buildings than the classrooms. Alas, it was easy walking distance if a student had a mind to forsake the bus ride provided. These were the days before yearly mass shootings in public schools plus the relative naiveté of a small town community perhaps gave them a sense of security then which would seem less than secure now.
Which is to explain how Bill, Kev and Dave were able to gain access to not one, but two different stores five days a week as they trudged, early 70s gangsta thugesque, from their lunch back to afternoon classes.
No one knows from whom came the suggestion, but one of the boys decided it would be fun to stop at Hershey's Variety and steal candy from the rack while the cashier wasn't looking...which was often enough seeing as how they got away with it for two weeks and would have kept the streak alive if the lady at the SECOND store they stopped at on the way hadn't suspected, correctly mind you, that they were doing the same thing there.
Every single day of the school week they did this, loading pockets with all manner of sweet vittles, until the aforementioned incident in which the old lady who procured the Round House market thought she saw one of them in the act of stealing. She let the trio of crooks walk out the door but followed them this time and spoke up...about what you'd expect she'd say:
"'xcuse me, boys, but did one of you walk out of the store without paying for something?" That's what she said. See, I told you it was predictable. What wasn't predictable was Bill Hunky's response.
Boldly, if perhaps stupidly, he opened his coat and showed her the bounty, "No, ma'am, we got this stuff from Hershey's."
It's doubtful the elder lady was so unwise as to take Hunky at his word but Kev and Dave, not wanting to miss a role in the comedy playing out in front of them persistently insisted, "No, ma'am, we wouldn't do that", "You don't sell this brand of candy, we got it all from old lady Hershey".
The woman told the kids not to come back, which was wasted words because they'd all three made the decision to carry that request out without being asked. The fear of God had been put in them, their Junior High school career in thievery was nipped in the bud. Just as well because between the three of them they had enough surplus stolen candy to rot their teeth before graduating high school.
The trio would look back, in days to come, on this commandment shattering work they'd done in early days with amazement in how they weren't afraid a bit of being caught. Kevin would say it was reckless stupidity and Dave would chuckle and agree...but Bill Hunky would say he had the time of his life and would do it all again if he could go back in time. He didn't realize it then but by now he's come to recognize this as the terminal kleptomania I spoke of earlier...he lived to steal again...many, many times.
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