A few of my facebook status updates that I wanted to save from the infinity of the timeline.
~~~My guru just stepped off his high horse, broke a spoke in the Karmic wheel, fell back down to earth and was forced to admit that the only reason he ever wanted to be a guru in the first place was because he craved the attention of the girls who used to hang out at the old Starwind bookstore. Since then he has replaced his enlightenment bulb with the more economical halogen model and downgraded from 100 watts to only 40...a process he admits "seemed more reasonable" and will "likely save a lot of mammon in the long run." Gotta love a guru.
~~~Within the next 3-5 hours all the grass and weeds in my lawn will be mercilessly slashed to the ground. My weapon is powerful and filled with fuel. It could easily sever a man's arm so it will have absolutely zero problem with puny green grass no matter how tall it has been allowed to grow. Pesky dandelions haven't a chance against it's steely blade. I will lay low in one hour what nature has been given 2 weeks to nurture. And I will do it before the neighbor mows his with his puny, sputtering, exhaust-coughing machine. For the second time in a row I will school him as to where the property boundaries are on this lot. He may not cry, but he will curse me for the extra strip of lawn he'll be required to mow.
~~~So now I know how to use a toilet auger...
~~~The guy on E Street Radio just said that the odds of Bruce Springsteen putting on a bad show are about the same as walking into a synagogue and being offered a ham sandwich. HAHAHA!!!
~~~Q: Is it socially acceptable for a pastor to use a downloaded version of the Bible on his iPad in services, evangelism, etc.?
A: Tablets have been an approved method of conveying God's word since he gave two of them to Moses.
~~~Acch! My crime was caught on tape.
~~~Anyone out there who still doesn't believe in demons should have been here last night when all my books perished as the result of spontaneous combustion brought on by the rage of a poltergeist who disagreed with me concerning the literary merit of Stephen King's "Under the Dome" as published in the Kindle format.
~~~Another successful Wal-mart run. From aisle-blocking family reunion gab-fests to a performance by the Three Stooges, it was everything I've come to expect from our bi-weekly shopping jaunts. All that plus a bag of hot dog buns on the floor.
~~~I will be boycotting Halloween this year. Basically because my son is too old to go out on a candy run for me. He's got the Darth Vadar costume which would sufficiently cover up any facial hair and other indications of adolescence, but his height is a problem. Moreover any candies he might haul in would be offset by the cost required to purchase his participation in the scheme. I could buy out the entire inventory of Candyopolis for that kind of cash. Soo poo-poo on Halloween.
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